Firnita
Firnita is a story enthusiast from Indonesia.
She writes a bit of this and that on different platforms. Her published books are Strings Attached (2020) and Shorter Stories (2021). She’s been trying to make more spoken word pieces lately.
Decision
You only have two choices: to stay or to leave. I won’t criticize you for the choice you’ve chosen. You left me, but you weren’t aware that I had a choice too. You chose yours before asking mine.
–from Strings Attached (2020)
***
The Fetus
I sleep like a fetus
because the first place
I felt that safe
is in my mother’s womb
I want to remember
what if felt like
not being suffocated
even when I’m drowning
in the liquids
In my mother’s womb,
all I remember was the warmth, the safety,
the classical music, the sudden and silly cravings,
the folic acid, the cobalamin,
the trying to have a balanced diet.
As I grew up, my friend started to have their own room
slept in their own bed or shared a bunk with their siblings
but my mother’s arms are still the safest crib
I’d like to sleep in for the whole night
her skin radiates the warmth
I’d like to remember for my whole life
I want to tuck in, in the same blanket as hers
as long as I want to, as long as she wants to
as long as I can, as long as we can
Her caress sends me to sleep,
to the sparkling stars,
to the cloud 9,
and over the moon
Her kiss shoos my nightmares away
hushes my own loud thoughts
She doesn’t sing lullabies
but that’s okay, because
she lets me sleep lightly
she helps me sleep tightly
I sleep like a fetus
because the last place
I felt that safe
is in my mother’s womb
and I am forever her baby
***
Familiar
what’s familiar are eight am alarm,
meeting in boxers, zoning out,
but remember my password
wash your face, take a shower
do what you’re supposed to do:
s
u
r
v
i
v
e
what’s familiar are half covered faces,
and 1 million rupiah sterilized milk
missing products, misleading informations,
isused drugs, mistreated:
everything
is
misunderstood
what’s familiar is not immunity,
but stupidity. Welcome,
make yourself at home?
insert question marks here?
questions are familiar
where do you get that from?
how do you know that?
what to read in times like this?
who should we trust today?
whatsapp university.
what’s familiar are statistics:
numbers, percentage, outliers,
new broken records, identical running texts
same news, paraphrased, here we go
again: www. vacationiscancelled.com
what’s familiar are only memories
distant distance, numbing emotions
what’s familiar are dusty, buried six feet under
digging it won’t–
we can’t take it back
what’s familiar is long loneliness
brief grief that last
what’s familiar are
all
new.
***
A Set from Shorter Stories (2021)
74. They were each other’s firsts–that’s why they don’t last.
75. They grow up outgrowing each other.
76. Growing up is inevitable, but also a choice.
77. They were minors, but they were major.