Salsabila

My name is Salsabila, born in Indonesia and raised in Qatar.

I have gone through traumatic experiences from a young age, including the loss of my mother at the age of eight. I started writing poetry as part of my healing journey; it allows me to be vulnerable and face the realities of life in a gentle manner. I pray my poetry reaches people who need the reassurance that they are not alone and that we can heal and grow together.

Please Pick Up The Call.

Twelve years ago, one morning in December My sister came home without our mother And I promised myself that I would never Repeat the same mistake again

The paranoia of losing someone I love Without having the chance to say goodbye

Has turned my mind into a haven for misfortune So I apologize if I am too much to handle

I understand the reminders to text me Before and after can be quite a hassle And I don’t mean to be so upset

When I can’t seem to get a hold of you

I only want to make sure that you’re safe To reassure you of how much I love you

Because humans have the habit of assuming That they will see their loved ones tomorrow

And that’s what I did twelve years ago, I assumed Now my mind is preoccupied with the thought of My mother dying alone on the hospital bed Wondering if her little girl loved her just as much

Empty Bus Stop.

My mother taught me that when someone truly cares They will do everything they can to not upset you

And they may not understand why it’s a bother But your wellbeing is what’s most important My mother never came late to the bus stop

And the door would slide open to reveal her smile Her arms wide open, ready to catch the little girl Who flew into her arms like a butterfly

We would walk back home hand in hand

And race each other once we reached the stairs But no one has cared as much as mother did

I knew that once I faced an empty bus stop Mother said you should be patient so I waited

Soon everyone left and the street lights began to wake And I pray I find someone who cares just a little

So I won’t have to walk back home on my own

Wrong Number.

After mother died I searched for a place like home Where I was free to speak my mind and be vulnerable For my people were raised to survive and hide

All their emotions for no one to ever find There were shoulders I could have leaned on

But I was afraid that they would never understand

I thought I had finally found someone who felt like home Instead, he made home the last place I want to go

He was everything that my mother would have hated As he made me feel like I had no reason to be alive Worth much less than the girls on his screen

He would not leave until I was too hurt to survive And I tried to leave but would crawl back crying Because now I’m the one who is doing the killing So I stayed trying to rescue someone who refused To be saved as he was never hurt in the first place And for years I was made to feel like I deserved it

He would have been nice if I looked like the girls he dated And I know that because they’re all being respected

What was it about me that was not worth it

Loneliness Over Love.

Do people define love by what they have experienced Or what they dream of love to be like? maybe both Sometimes I feel like I have lost the ability to love

I can’t seem to create new relationships with people Let alone keep the ones that are already in my life

And I wish people didn’t come and go like flowing water But I no longer have it in me to give it another try

It gets lonely when you are all by yourself

While the rest of the world has someone who cares There are times where I feel like I have lost myself And once I feel better I will be able to love again

But humans always take love for granted, assuming that Years of love and memories will keep people grounded Realized that I was the only one trying and decided

To let people go and see where the water guides me And I know that I am not perfect but I try to love With everything I have despite the circumstances When people leave know that it is no longer worth it You’re not obliged to give everyone second chances

Blooming Flower.

I found it difficult to express my emotions through writing Countless pages ripped from books would fill up the bin And I could not bring myself to face the years of trauma That has been collecting dust in the back of my mind Each person I meet, I would guess when they would leave Since being left on my own is the only thing I have known Thought I would never feel the sun’s warmth on my skin Because no one has loved me as much as mother did But then I met someone who made me feel at home

And I realized that loving you is loving myself ten times more Because I changed the soil that killed my flowers before Flowing water can hurt but it did not prevent my growth

I thought my past would haunt me my entire life, but Each day I’m closer to the sun since you were by my side Now I’m free to be vulnerable and speak my mind Without the constant fear of being alone and left behind For each person, there will be someone out there Helping you bloom by showing how much they care

You can find Salsabila on Instagram and Twitter.

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